Brian A Grady Divorce Attorney | Preparing Your Children for a Divorce

If you need someone that can help you through this difficult time, contact Brian A Grady Divorce Attorney at (630) 351-4466. Divorce can be hard on you and the children, even when it is the best thing for your family. Everyone, especially the kids will need time to adjust. There are also steps you can take to make the transition easier on them. 

Talk to the kids together

In the experience of Brian A Grady divorce attorney, it’s best to talk to your children together, rather than individually. It should be clear that everyone involved is committed to supporting the children through this transition, even if some feelings are hurt along the way. 

You both need to commit to tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce. That doesn’t mean you have to put in every detail about why you can no longer be married, but honesty is important. Simple explanations like, “we don’t get along anymore” will suffice. Even if you think they are not mature enough to understand the reasons behind your decisions, it will help them feel better if they know the truth. They may worry that their actions or words caused a divorce and will continue to do so until they know that this is not true. If you leave them wondering what happened, they will likely assume something worse than reality.

Remind them that even though you are getting a divorce, both of you love them. Tell your children “I love you” in the moment, so it is clear your feelings for them have not changed. It’s important to reassure your children that you still love them, even if you don’t like each other anymore. You’ll be their parents forever, even if you’re not married anymore and they need to know they can still depend on both of you. 

Explain what they can expect in their futures

Address changes that will be taking place. Preempt your kids’ questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different, and other things won’t. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go.

Some of the key differences you can talk about right away are the fact that they will have two homes to live in and their time will be divided between both parents. 

You should also focus on the things that you will keep consistent. Tell them you’ll still be caring for them in every way, from fixing their breakfast to helping them with homework. If they will go to the same school and participate in the same extracurricular activities, let them know they will have their regular routines. Establishing structure and continuity will help them know there is still stability in their lives. 

Kids feel more secure and comfortable when they know what to expect, so maintaining routines also means continuing to observe rules, rewards, and discipline with the kid. Allowing them to do what they want or spoiling them throughout the divorce are inconsistencies that will set up unreasonable expectations and do a disservice to the children. An experienced attorney like, Brian A Grady divorce attorney, can help you with what to expect from your divorce, so you can set your children up for success.

Brian A Grady divorce attorney

Keep it positive

This is a bit of a no-brainer, but you should always try to keep things as positive as possible when discussing your upcoming divorce with your children. This is not the time for negative comments about the other parent or anything that might make you and your kids feel bad about what’s happening in your life right now. It may not be the easiest thing to do, especially if there is a great deal of animosity between you and your spouse. However, badmouthing one another puts your children in an uncomfortable position. They love both of you and you don’t want them to feel guilty because you two can no longer be in a relationship.  

Focus on the good parts of being together as a family and talk about what fun things you’ll do together once everything has been settled legally. You can also use this time to share hopes and dreams for the future. Brian A Grady divorce attorney can help you focus on the future, so your family is secure.  

Answer their questions as best you can

Although it may be tempting to avoid the subject, your children will not be fooled by a lack of answers. In fact, they are more likely to worry if you try to ignore their questions. If you don’t know the answer to a question or are unsure how much information is appropriate for your child’s age and maturity level, then simply tell them that. You can say something like “I’m not sure about that yet” or “I’m going to talk with Dad about it.”

When talking with your children during this difficult time in their lives, always try to keep in mind what they might want from you at different stages of development. The younger ones probably don’t want or need too many details about what went wrong. Teenagers may want more specifics, so they can better understand how the relationship broke down. You do want to answer their questions, but you want to make sure the answers are age appropriate. If you need additional assistance and experienced lawyer, like Brian A Grady divorce attorney, can help.

Brian A Grady Divorce Attorney can help you make the transition easier on your kids

Divorce is a difficult time, but it’s important to remember that it doesn’t have to be a traumatic experience for your children. By speaking openly with them about what’s happening and keeping things positive, you can help them through this period of change as smoothly as possible. Brain A Grady divorce attorney will help you plan for your future, so you can have those open and honest conversations with your kids. Contact The Law Office of Brian Grady today for a consultation.